I thought I knew how I would answer this, but sitting in a church this Christmas, watching a play with my family and hearing my mom pray... I don't know what I believe - or why I should believe in a book that was written so many years ago. I don't want to attach myself to the Christian label, but I still find myself saying I'm a Christian, albeit with much more hesitation than I used to. 

I’ve never believed in a sentient higher power. Part of it is that I wasn’t raised to believe it, but I could never get past the idea that a creator could be both omnipotent and kind. I also didn’t like that only good things are attributed to God, while bad things are attributed to humanity or the devil.

You could say I live prayerfully. I do my best to be a "doer of the word." I'm attracted to how Jesus lived counter-culturally and wasn't satisfied with the status quo. He even disagreed with the religious. This is an area where I especially identify with Him.

I have a regular practice of meditation using tarot, oracle, stonework and prayer, with incense and candles, while connecting with my center. I'm learning to be confident in my pagan skin. I focus on surrounding myself with people who share and support my beliefs and recently had an opportunity to join a group ritual. The power of the group was grounding and healing. 

I have been most open to the truth when I am desperate and vulnerable. I also had to be willing to lay down religion to find truth, and it has been the greatest exchange of my life - walking hand-in-hand with Jesus versus just knowing about him.

When the doubts creep in, I remind myself of the commitment I made. I have committed myself to being a Christ-follower for the rest of my life. Therefore, I will continue to follow him even when the doubts are shouting in both ears. When bad things happen, when my prayers aren’t answered, I remember my commitment.

I was raised in an affluent Protestant church and briefly married in the Catholic church many years ago. I even considered conversion to Catholicism, but in the first meeting, they were already making a big ask. I was demanded to believe a part of a story I had just heard.